FOR MAINLY HUSBANDS: MARITAL COUNSEL FOR GODLY LEADERSHIP IN MARRIAGE:

“Be careful and be strong!”, a wise and elderly woman told her son, who was getting freshly married. “A woman in a wife can be a blessing, and yet a liability when there is no more love, hope and reason in one’s relationship or marriage”, she advised him in the presence of all who had gathered, as witnesses for the marriage ceremony. 

Please, let me begin this monologue with another real story I recently heard. It goes like this – In an exciting and sexually charged dawn chat with his wife, a husband made the first moves to make love with his wife. It is believed that the wife was well in health, but was not feeling romantic or sexual at that point in time. 

But, she was unable to properly manage her responses well in the conversation that ensued at that dawn: “It is sex you want right, come have it”, she remarked as she stripped in an unromantic and angered manner, laid down, and addressed her husband. 

The husband now feeling better and mentally sound described his experience as follows: “I was emotionally and psychologically broken by my wife’s statements. And, at that very moment, I had a feeling as if I was paying a harlot for sex in a brothel”.  In his narratives, he said to me that he could not tangibly express words for his shock about his wife’s behaviour. He slept in their library at dawn (Psalm 126).

How can you offer advice to a man who is in such a state of mind; feeling cheap, and is actively questioning whether his wife really enjoys having sexual relations with him at all, and whether there is still love for him, as this had come up twice or thrice in recent times? I advised him, and I prayed for him.

However, I hope my advice, counsel and prayer support to this fine gentleman is raising hope, and creating soundness of mind and reason for good behaviour in his character, compared with a similar story in which a husband did not react, nor behave badly in response to a similar  episode but went ahead to have a ‘side-chick’ so to speak. He did not bother his wife again for sex, and yet he was having an ungodly relationship with a young beautiful lady who now has a child for him. 

It is often said that Life is, and can be interesting, and in fact really encompassing with grace and mercy of God, when we seek them. But, it can also come with issues and troubles of their own and shapes, be it in a marriage or not. 

What does a victim of circumstances created by enemies, foes and avengers do to project and cement his or her stability, peace and tranquility? And, what does a Victor of fight, war and confrontations, but with his or her enshrined core values,  and virtue-filled aspirations do to stabilise his or her core principles, faith and beliefs? 

Let us take a look at the possibilities of time tested avenues, platforms, sources and personalities for sound counsel of all grace and forms, and by the grace, power and wisdom of God.

It is generally accepted in many cultures, families, organisations, and nations, that the institution of marriage in its holy matrimony is desired, honourable, revered, lovely, and incredibly enlightening and enriching in all senses. 

And, in a proper and traditionally well arranged, psychologically sound and heart-felt marriage, a spouse’s character, behavior, integrity, attitude, intelligence, uprightness, grace, management, prayers and anointing can all communicate to have an impact, either in a negative or positive way, on the dynamics and narratives of the design, affairs and storyline of his or her marriage 

Nonetheless, and no matter the level and proficiency of affection and love given or shared, no spouse can or will understand all the happenings and revelations in their natural courses and patterns during their relationship, interactions and fellowship. 

However, a sensible, healthy, observant, emotionally self-controlled, mentally mature, knowledgeable, skillful, spirit-filled, and loving husband must not reject and/or  his lover and wife’s:

1. Love, 2. Cooking,, 3. Respect, 4. Sex, 5. Care, 6. Apologies, 7.  Advice, Support and  Contributions, among other things, 

no matter and regardless of the wife’s anger, provocations, quarrels, bitterness,misunderstandings, and the like, if she is a difficult and/or troublesome person (Proverbs 19:13; 21:19; 25:24). 

So, when a spouse is seeking to do well in his or her marriage, as aspired, desired and worked for, and if that person would, he or she must keep in mind to carefully, lovingly, seriously and fervently pray ahead of time on all subjecs and matters of interest, as they think, adjust, grow and plan ahead together (1 Cor 13 vs 1-3).

Gladly in this story, I learned at the conclusion of this matter that one of the wisdom nuggets in life is encapsulated in a mystery that “the maize dough is better pressed in a machine shop that carefully, profitably and correctly extracts the substance, ingredients and composition of the maize grain”…..to be cont’d.

– Charles Kwamena Ackon